Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Posted by Matthew at 12:23 AM
For all of my loyal, bleating fans waiting on every word as though it was the sweet succor of mother's milk, I have returned.
I may not write much more in the near future, but I feel that I owe my minions at least a small update on my status.
During July 2008 I accepted an offer to become a tutor for the EOP Program at SUNY Oneonta.
During the short month, I must reveal that I became much less a simple Resident Tutor and more a sort of idol. In this time, I received my new stylin' hairdo which I sport everywhere. I made sure that I listened to the kids and acted as a responsible young man (at least that's what I tell people.) In this time, I gained both notoriety and popularity as the member of the staff who was "cool." For those not as familiar with me, this came from my stylistic lingo and my willingness to "keep it real."
In addition, Summer Academy taught me much. I have become a little more stubborn and a little less patient. These developments are overwhelmingly positive, especially considering my future as authoritarian leader of the future global Caliphate.
Naturally, a summer would not be complete without politics. In several days, I was able to convert most of the students to my unique political views while making them surrogates of my plans of world domination.
Of course, I also wowed the incoming pre-freshmen with my sense of celebrity. No, I didn't tell them about my band, The Broken Roses. Instead, me and Sebastian Saavedra (one of the students) performed My Shiny Teeth and Me by Chip Skylark. The applause was reminiscent of an ancient Roman lion fight after the big cats had devoured defenseless Christian children. Next, with the immense help of Mandy Bohorquez, the three of us performed Helena by My Chemical Romance. Decked in emo makeup, we clearly exceeded the quality of the music video.
There's more... and perhaps you mortals will be able to hear of it.
TIP: Buy me umbrellas for the torrents in my soul!