ST. PAUL, MN
Joe has reportedly agreed to release two prisoners from captivity in his tense, two week standoff with police and military forces. This is taking place at the Smucker's Gluten Factory in St. Paul, the largest in the Midwest.
"I stands what I stands and I can't stands no more." Joe reportedly shouted from a rooftop, angrily wielding a spatula.
Joe's demands are unknown, but he is reportedly asking for Nancy Pelosi's hand in marriage.
Police have snipers with their sights directly at Joe's rapidly beating heart.
"Oh, shit, oh shit, oh shit." Joe was reported as saying.
Joe said that this was his second hostage situation this year after he "held Oneonta's heart hostage" since he began attending the school in August 2007.
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